I'm Melting!

I was joking about the hundred years, but now I'm not so sure! Today is December 11. I hit the scales at 216.8 lbs. Which sure beats having gone up in weight! My size eighteen jeans no longer fit me. Two months ago, I couldn't do them up. Now they fall off me. That is a good feeling!

Saw a video on Yahoo the other day about a lady who lost 500 pounds. Amazing.

The 100 Year Diet

Number of the day is 100.

Thanksgiving looms right around the corner, with all its wonderful, delicious food. I'm not worried about staying on track with my new eating lifestyle because I am enjoying food so much more since I began this journey.

I refuse to call it a diet - but on second thoughts, how about the 100 year diet. That way I'll be dead before the diet ends, and hopefully living in heaven.

Weight this morning was 218.8 lbs. I keep reminding myself of how long it took to gain the weight. Sure would love to have a magic wand!

Good Tasting Food

I am amazed at how good food tastes now since I began cutting back. I have always been a "comfort eater" and anyone who understands that, knows how uncomfortable that can be. Although initially comforting, when physical discomfort finally forces the comfort eater to quit, the emotional battering kicks in. Why did I do that? How could I eat that entire package of (fill in the blank) ? What is wrong with me?

Some comfort, huh?

Sometimes people who have a weight problem will say they enoy their food too much to give it up. I used to say that. It was a lie. I didn't enjoy it at all.

Dieters have a disadvantage when compared to people giving up alcohol or cigarettes. We still have to eat, and yet, learn how to control it at the same time.

It is tough, but learning to do it is going to be the best thing I ever did for myself.

Number Of The Day Is Seven

Number of the day - seven. It's been seven years since I was slim.
Weight this morning was 218.4
I started a Yahoo group called

wecandoit_together

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/wecandoit_together/

For support and encouragement - anyone who wants to join is welcome!

Jan

Losing Weight

Today is Thursday, November 8, 2007.

Weight this morning is 220.6 pounds.

I am amazed at how relative life is. I never imagined I would be glad to see my weight at 220. But when you have been even heavier than that, it becomes a happy sight!

I am finding, three weeks into my "new lifestyle" that I can't eat as much as I used to without feeling uncomfortably full. So, it is becoming easier to eat less.

Hungry All The Time

It's Saturday! Of course that makes absolutely no difference to me, as work on the farm spans seven days a week! :-) But the scales showed a slight change down this morning. 221.4lbs.

The biggest challenge I face right now is being hungry! It is an interesting feeling. I am taking a multivitamin each day and eating about 1500 calories a day. I do check labels to see calories per serving on some foods. I "guesstimate" with the evening meal. I am not a person who will ever have time to weigh food and calculate calories precisely so I have to make this work for me, if I want to be slim again.

There is no food which is 'forbidden' within my weight-loss plan.

Heading off to our local doctor next Tuesday to see what he thinks of my weight-loss plans. With eighty plus pounds to lose, I decided I'd better have him there on the sidelines!

A long way to go

It's ten days since I started this weight loss journey. I can only claim a three pound loss, because up until a few days ago, I didn't have a scale! 221.8 pounds this morning.

I have often wondered why I couldn't lose weight. I wanted to be slim again, or so I told myself. I knew what I had to do but it seemed impossible to do it.

Until I realized I actually wanted to be fat, I was not able to stick to any diet or weight loss plan. Sounds crazy, I know, but I really think the most important question any person who wants to lose weight can ask themselves is "Why do I want to be fat?"

I asked myself that question, and the answer that slipped through my sub-conscious was "I am protecting myself from being found attractive by other men apart from my husband. I am protecting myself from confronting an old friend. I am rebelling against myself!"

Interesting or not, an amazing change took place in my will power and determination as soon as I answered those questions. I also took a woman's perogative and changed my mind!

I don't want to be fat anymore! I want to be a size ten again and I will be! It will be a slow process but a rewarding and enjoyable journey.

Jan

His Little Girl

Here is the story that started it all for me, two weeks ago. Hope you enjoy this!


His Little Girl


I watched her lumbering toward me, and thought, She looks so much like me. Hair color and length, her eyes are blue like mine. Is that how I will end up looking if I gain more weight?

I couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable she looked as she eased into the chair beside mine, forcing her body between the wooden arms. "Kids should be out soon. I'm Jan, " I said, using the shortened version of my actual name as I extended my hand.

"I won't forget your name then. I'm Janet!" Her eyes sparkled.

If she noticed the shocked look on my face before I covered it with a smile and some general chit-chat about my own forgetfulness when it comes to names, she didn't say anything. A few seconds later, the Sunday school class was dismissed and my daughter and I left the church.

My conversation with God, on the way to the car, went like this. Her name is Janet? Then what I've been hearing You say to me today is true.

Meet thyself in ten years, if this is the path you choose. Remember, daughter, I love you. I see a beautiful forgiven child and I will use you for ministry regardless of what you weigh. I accept you just as you are. If you want to lose weight, you must do it for yourself.


As I drove home, I pondered the meaning of what I'd heard God say to me, and I thought of the many futile attempts I've made to lose weight over the past ten years.When I posted my photo taken ten years ago on my writing site, FanStory, I also made a comment that I am no longer slim which is an understatement but it reflected my need to keep hiding behind that fence.

I've been talking to God about this problem for several weeks now. I told Him I needed help to do this, but I never expected the help to arrive in the form of self-revelation and acceptance!

I am His sparrow. I am His little girl. God doesn't care what I weigh or how I look because He loves me the same regardless. He has given me a husband who accepts me as I am and never complains about the way I look. In seven years, he has never once, not even in a heated argument, mentioned my weight. So why do I want to lose weight?

The only thing either of them, God and my husband, dislike about my weight, is how unhappy it makes me. Neither of them want me to feel this way.

On the radio this morning, I heard the song, "You're My Little Girl", by the Christian group, Go Fish. It speaks of God's love for each woman, His understanding of the pain they've experienced and His willingness to comfort that little girl inside each woman. I have posted a short sample of that song with this story.

I encourage every woman who needs to know how God feels about her to listen to this song in its entirety.

These past few months have been incredible for me. Coming to the realization that I didn't deserve the domestic violence I lived with for thirteen years, actually freed me to be able to speak out about being raped when I was nineteen to help someone else find the same hope I did.

Now I am able to stand up and say, "I'm overweight."

I asked God how I would be able to lose the extra weight after so many failed attempts.

His answer was simple. Eat Less.

The next few weeks and months are going to be interesting.

I am making a commitment to post a new photo in June 2008 showing the real Janilou. It will be my birthday present to myself for no matter what I look like by then, I know the most important truth. I am loved just as I am.

To all the wounded women reading this; You are His little girl, the one that He created and He loves you just as you are.

He understands the pain you have gone through and He cries every tear right along with you.
Let go of your pain, give it to Him and let the healing begin.

Your sister in Christ,Jan